Navigating New Relationships
Whether you are thinking of getting into a relationship for the first time, or you are rethinking what your ideal relationship would look like, below are a few things to think about before entering a new relationship.
What to know before getting into a new romantic relationship
While you might feel pressure to be in a relationship, the longer you wait, the better you’ll know yourself and the better partner you’ll be.
Get to know yourself! Get really clear about how you like to spend your time, what fills you up, what brings you joy. Approach a relationship like a bonus to your life, not a necessity.
Spend time envisioning what your ideal relationship looks like. Relationships look REALLY DIFFERENT depending on the person, and comparing yourself to others won’t get you far.
Some questions to think about when picturing a relationship:
Do you want a really outgoing partner or more of an introverted person? Someone that’s okay with public display of affection? Really affectionate? Calls you every day or just texts? Checks in with you throughout the day or just 1-2 times a week? How do you want to spend your time together? There are so many questions and things you can imagine. This list is a small taste of what’s in store.
The thing that’s important here is that your answers prior to your relationship could look completely different once you’re in it. It’s totally possible to have a fantastic, short-term relationship. There’s no binding contract once you agree to date someone. Sometimes you think you want something and then find out, in reality, it doesn’t work for you. That’s the beauty of relationships! They are meant for growth and learning! So, keep an open mind and get curious about what works for you once you enter a relationship.
Once you enter a relationship, get comfortable talking about your sexual desires and boundaries right away. If you don’t talk about intimacy at all, and when/if you do decide to have intercourse at some point, that conversation will probably feel awkward. But, if you build up to it, normalize that conversation and just make it part of your day-to-day conversation, it won’t be as big of a deal. The real bonus is that you’ll feel safer, more connected, and be able to relax and enjoy the experience!
How can my partner’s anxiety and depression impact my relationship?
Depression and anxiety are super common experiences, but the way they manifest from person to person is different. Someone could be depressed for years and hide it really well, you might have no idea. Another person could have terrible anxiety, yet come off like a high-achieving, have all to together type of person (when it’s really anxiety driving the show). They’re just too big to generalize and characterize symptoms as a whole.
If someone you’re dating lets you know that they have anxiety or depression - ask them what that looks like for them. What are signs that it’s getting bad, ways it shows up in their life, triggers, etc? And ask them what they need to feel supported. It’ll look different from person to person. Give them space to talk about what’s going on, and normalize conversations around mental health just as you would physical health.
How can my depression and anxiety impact my romantic relationship?
You know your symptoms, triggers, coping strategies better than anyone. Have conversations with your partner about your mental health when you’re feeling good (not in crisis mode) and figure out how they can best support you.
In general, I think it’d be really helpful if partners approached mental health just like physical health. Having conversations that are pretty matter of fact “hey, this is a thing I deal with, here’s what it looks like” helps them feel prepared but also takes a lot of the shame out of it. Just like having a physical ailment isn’t your fault, neither is experiencing anxiety or depression. It’s important to be with a partner that’s able to internalize and integrate that into your relationship.
Sharing about your mental health with a boyfriend or girlfriend without placing responsibility on them
Feelings of insecurity in a relationship are normal (if anyone tells you otherwise, they’re lying!). They’re coming up for a reason -- little messengers, or things that need your attention.
Let’s say you were experiencing symptoms from your diabetes and turned to your girlfriend or boyfriend for support in moments of illness -- injection, low blood sugar, etc. While they might be able to help, it’s not necessarily their responsibility to do so, and certainly not their expertise.
The same goes for addressing anxiety. It’s really tricky opening up about mental health. I want you to feel comfortable talking about these things with a partner, and at the same time, don’t want you to feel like you need to rely on your partner to “fix” the things that are coming up. This is certainly an art, and will probably take a few months of trial and error to figure out what works for you.
Conclusion
Remember that each romantic relationship looks different. Take time to determine what feels best for you, and as always, move slow. Let me know what tips and tools work best for you
