How to Tell Your Parents You Want Therapy
You decided it’s time. Maybe you’ve heard your friends talk about the benefits of therapy, a family member has mentioned insight gained in therapy, or someone recommended that therapy may be beneficial for you.
Whatever it is, making the decision to start therapy can feel like a big one, plus the additional step of actually finding a therapist.
What should be a simple, straightforward decision can, unfortunately, end up taking weeks.
Let’s break down what’s needed to start seeing a therapist so the process doesn’t get in the way of attending therapy. High-quality mental health care should be accessible to all. Here are some ways to make it happen.
First things first, how to tell your parents you want a therapist
America still has a long way to go in terms of the stigma around mental health care. We often go straight to a fear-based mentality, assuming the worst and predicting for a doomsday.
But what if we switched that thinking and looked at therapy as a really smart, preventative step in an adolescent’s healthy development?
Let’s look at risk and protective factors to start. The CDC and the federal government have developed a list of risk and protective factors regarding healthy youth development, and guess what—many of those protective factors (things that prevent risky behavior or habits from developing) are addressed in therapy.
Want help addressing making friends?
Better peer relationships?
Engaging in school activities?
Self-esteem?
Good coping skills?
Improved problem-solving?
Deeper relationship with family members?
You get it, there are a lot of protective factors that overlap with therapeutic work.
It’s not that each therapy session will address a specific issue, moving from protective factor to protective factor, but rather these will all be secondary gains of going to therapy.
Learning about yourself, your relationships, and your world improves your well-being. It will help in the long term, especially as you leave the house for college and eventually transition into adulthood.
What if you’re seeking a therapist for a serious mental health issue?
If you’re recognizing that therapy may be more urgent and necessary to address a mental health concern, be honest. Let your parents or guardians know that something doesn’t feel right and that you’d prefer to speak with a trained professional about it. If there’s risky behavior (substance use, skipping school, etc.), try to be as transparent as possible.
If you’re feeling suicidal in any way, also let an adult in your life know.
What’s crucial here is to let the adult know that you are not expecting them to solve it.
If you came to your parents with a broken elbow, you wouldn’t expect them to put on the cast. Apply the same logic to mental health care.
You are letting them know that something is hurting, and their job as a trusted adult is to connect you to the appropriate care from a trained professional.
How to ask your parents for therapy
Once you’ve let your parents know you want to see a therapist, work together to find one that may be a good fit.
A great place to start is Psychology Today, which usually has a comprehensive list of therapists in your area. Think about who you feel the most comfortable with: a man or a woman, someone younger or an older person with more life experience, do you like moving around the therapy room and using your body or sitting and talking the whole time, would you prefer in-person or online? There’s a lot of questions to ask yourself and a whole lot of different styles of therapists.
Regardless of the style of the therapist, one of the most important things in therapy is congruence (authenticity). As in, if you don’t feel comfortable with your therapist, therapy won’t work. Now, that doesn’t mean that nerves and some awkwardness, in the beginning, are immediate red flags. But if your therapist is insistent on talking about your relationship with your dad, while you want to talk about handling stress better, that’s something to listen to. You are the consumer and you have a choice.
Finding the right fit
Interview a few therapists to find the fit that’s right for you. Most therapists offer at least a free, 15-minute phone consultation. You can compile a list of questions to ask during the consultation to get a sense of whether the therapist might be a good fit for you.
Keeping good boundaries and working together to get the care you need will make all the difference. If you feel unsafe talking to your parents about starting therapy, speak with another trusted adult in your community. In many states, including Colorado, youth can consent to therapy themselves at age 12.
Some suggested questions to ask:
What’s their therapeutic approach and style?
When do they see clients?
Are they virtual or in-person?
Do they work with [issue you are wanting support with]?
How will they communicate with your parents? What will stay confidential?
That way the therapist can get a sense of whether they think they would be a good fit for you too, and can refer you to someone else if they think a colleague would work really well with you.
Don’t feel pressure to commit to a therapist and schedule an appointment in that consultation. It’s important to take some time to put thought into the decision and make sure you’re scheduling with the person who feels right. Talk to a few therapists and see who you jive with the best. You may be surprised by what you originally thought and who you end up with.
How to get a therapist without insurance
Starting therapy without insurance can be a little tricky, but there are certainly options. First, if you are uninsured, the best option for you and your family would be to get health insurance on the ACA exchange. Even with insurance, sometimes psychotherapy isn’t covered. Paying out of pocket for therapy may be the best next step.
Most therapists accept cash and credit card payments. You can find a therapist within your budget by searching some of the online directories. Open Path is a great place to start, they have a comprehensive listing of therapists that provide affordable, in-office, and online psychotherapy sessions between just $30 and $60.
If you find a therapist that’s a great fit, but they don’t take your insurance, you also have options. You can ask your therapist for a Superbill, which is a document that lists all your charges and services. Then, you can submit this Superbill to the insurance company for Out-of-Network coverage. Before seeing an Out-of-Network provider, talk with your insurance company to make sure you’re covered for Out-of-Network mental health care You can also ask the therapist about a sliding scale. Some therapists have a few sliding scale slots with reduced fees that they make available for those who need it.
Next steps
While the internet has made finding a therapist much easier, it’s also given us a lot of options, which can sometimes complicate things. Don’t get overwhelmed, and know that this is also part of the therapeutic process. Advocating for yourself, stating your needs, finding out what you like and dislike is all-important work.
If you have any questions about finding a therapist, we offer trauma therapy and substance abuse counseling sessions virtually. Reach out today to set up a free consult call.
